The Chronicles of Motherhood
Exploring Matresence
Ever since I can remember, I have dreamed of becoming a mother. I played babies endlessly as a child, was the neighborhood babysitter and would gravitate towards children. Unsurprisingly, I became a teacher and have loved being surrounded by a room full of children.
December 15th, 2022 my dream came true and I became a mother. Somehow the dream I imagined went far from what I planned. I was exhausted, anxious, depressed and felt completely inadequate. Breastfeeding was brutal, the sleep deprivation unbearable and I didn’t recognize myself.
As the weeks went by I slowly began to come back to myself and begin talking to others about the journey to and through motherhood, termed matresence. I began to realize that my story is actually quite common yet one that is not discussed. The shame that I have felt on this motherhood journey is one of the hardest parts. Shame around not liking parts of motherhood, shame around not breastfeeding and more recently shame around maybe only wanting one child.
The more I adapt to my new identity as a mother the more I notice my own personal growth and transformation occurring. One of the biggest lessons that Eliana is helping me embrace is to listen to myself. Listen to my inner voice and let go of “the shoulds” that society tells us.
I am thankful to be on this journey and look forward to sharing more.
I look forward to reading more of your journey into motherhood, Hilary. I struggled with even having self-awareness and words to call what I was feeling as a new mama. Your insight and calling out what is difficult for you is brave. Keep listening to that inner voice: it's obviously strong to have found matrescence work so early in your new identity as mama.
I see you Hilary!
So much of this is relatable to my own matrescence journey. And as you said, despite it being common, its not often discussed.
Thank you for being vulnerable and breaking the cycle of silence! I can't wait to read more!